Parents spend just 36 minutes a day with their children – only 7 minutes talking! Psychologists: This is dangerous
Seven minutes a day – that is how much time parents and children spend, on average, talking to each other, while they spend only 36 minutes a day together in total, according to alarming results from certain studies that have not improved over the past decade or more! Largely since the time when mobile phones and the internet began to take precedence.
Words, hugs, support and everything that was largely present until the end of the 20th century are now becoming a luxury for many families. Experts warn that a lack of communication seriously undermines emotional bonding and is far from sufficient to create greater closeness between parents and children, which ultimately has a significant impact on a child’s development.
These data were also highlighted a few days ago by Assistant Minister of Education Milan Pašić after the presentation of research results on peer violence conducted by the Ministry of Education and the Council of Europe. He emphasised that this communication is mostly reduced to questions such as “how was school”, “what did you do”, “what were you quizzed on”…
“These are alarming data for us,” Pašić stressed, adding that cooperation between all sectors in this field is necessary.
Since these results first appeared until today, nothing has changed. They were also commented on a few months ago by the renowned American psychiatrist Dr Daniel Amen, who pointed out that the essential ingredient for building a positive relationship with children is time and a willingness to listen.
“Studies show that parents spend less than seven minutes a day talking to their children. It is not possible to have a good relationship in such a short time. Children need real, physical, quality time with their parents. Some parents complain that their children are too busy or not interested in spending time with them. Make your children do it and tell them they are important to you. Try to spend 20 minutes a day with your child doing something they enjoy. During this time, avoid any criticism and point out positive behaviours,” Dr Amen states.
He emphasised that, looking at today’s statistics, mothers on average spend only a third of the daily time with their children compared to the time they spent in the 1950s.
“Fathers are doing somewhat better now, but there is no society in the world in which fathers are the primary caregivers of children.”
Psychotherapist Jelena Manojlović explains that this most often happens due to a fast-paced lifestyle, excessive work obligations of parents, but also because of the excessive influence of technology, social networks and the internet on children.
“Less and less time is devoted to sincere conversation and shared activities, which leads to a loss of closeness and understanding. For this to change, parents and children need to consciously set aside time for one another and relearn how to talk and listen to each other. The consequences of such alienation can be very serious. Children who do not have enough communication and closeness with their parents often feel insecure, lonely and misunderstood, which can lead to behavioural problems or withdrawal,” she emphasises and adds:
“A parent should approach their child with understanding, patience and genuine interest. Instead of immediately criticising or asking questions from a position of authority, it is better to show that you are truly interested in how the child feels and what is happening to them. The conversation should be calm and open, without judgement, so that the child feels safe to share their thoughts.”