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VIDELA SAM OVU SLIKU U TELEFONU SVOG MUŽA I ZINULA OD ŠOKA Vrisnula sam iz sveg glasa a on me je UĆUTKAO za sva VREMENA
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VIDELA SAM OVU SLIKU U TELEFONU SVOG MUŽA I ZINULA OD ŠOKA Vrisnula sam iz sveg glasa a on me je UĆUTKAO za sva VREMENA

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"Zašto si me, za ime boga, slikao iz ovog ugla? Jesi li ti normalan?", vrisnula sam.

Tako priču o ovoj bračnoj raspravi počinje Laura Maca, blogerka iz Amerike, a njena priča podstakla je na raspravu mame širom sveta. Njen tekst prenosimo vam u celosti.

Odjednom sam postala tako nesigurna i stidljiva, i zapitala sam se zašto.

Odmah sam se setila dana kada je slikao mene i našeg novorođenog sina. Okačila sam je na Fejsbuk, a neko mi je u komentarima preporučio piling koji odstranjuje ožiljke od akni i kremu koja krije podočnjake. Sve to neposredno nakon što sam se porađala 14 sati. Ipak, osetila sam se užasno loše i postiđeno. Zapravo, na trenutak je ta postiđenost uspela da zaseni sreću koju sam osećala jer u rukama držim svoje dete.

Sećam se i žene koja mi je šapnula da bi mi haljina mnogo bolje stajala da ispod nje nosim steznik - tri meseca nakon što sam imala carski rez. I ne samo to, zapravo mi se dopadalo kako mi stoji ta haljina, i to bez steznika.

Kada sam pitala u jednoj Fejsbuk grupi koje su najbolje vežbe za razmaknute trbušne mišiće, izbombardovali su me ponudama za omotače za stomak koji navodno tope masne naslage.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

#cellulite is #normal - at any size

Објава коју дели Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) дана

Kada sam pitala drugaricu da ide sa mnom da mi pomogne da kupim kupaći, kao iz topa ispalila je: "Idemo u plus-sajz odeljenje, tamo su najbolji kupaći sa steznicima".

Sve te savete i ponude dobijala sam od žena. Ne krivim ih i nisam ljuta na njih. Tako ih je društvo naučilo, da uvek moraju da budu doterane i "lepe". One su zapravo mislile da mi pomažu tim ponudama.

Oduvek nam pune glavu - porodi se i iste sekunde vrati telo u devojačko stanje. Ako to ne uspeš, lenja si. Ne trudiš se dovoljno.

Zato, ako ne uspeš, moraš svima da objašnjavaš da nisi lenja i da se trudiš. A realnost je takva da smo se upravo porodile i da nema nikakve sramote u tome što smo se malo ugojile i opustile.

Imam celulit, kao i većina žena. Sve mi imamo i materice, unutrašnje organe, a veliki broj nas i fizički dokaz u vidu ožiljka o tome da smo se porodile. Beba je nekada živela u našem stomaku, zato sada izgleda tako kako izgleda.

Zamislite koliko bismo srećnije bile da smo to vreme, koje smo uložile u pilinge, dijete, masaže i napitke, provele diveći se svom telu i detetu koje je donelo na svet? Zamislite kako bi svet bio lep da cenimo same sebe onako kako zaslužujemo. Da, samopouzdanje dolazi iznutra, ali ipak je i okolina donekle odgovorna za to šta mi mislimo u sebi.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I saw this photo in my husbands phone, and I said “why the hell would you take a photo of me at that angle?” I became so self conscious. But why? It reminded me when I took a photo of me and my newborn son and someone asked me if I wanted to try a scrub that got rid of acne scars and a cream that rid me of dark lines under the eyes - I had been in labour for 14 hours. But it made me feel bad about myself, even though i was feeling euphoric. I also once had a girl tell me quietly that my dress would look better if I had some spanx on - I had a cesarean three months prior to that. I loved the way I looked in that dress. I asked a Facebook group about the best physio for muscle separation and was bombarded with sales for stomach wraps. I asked a friend to help me find bathers and she said “right, straight to the plus size section, they have the best Tummy control” All of these were women. I don’t blame them. I’m not angry. This is what society has taught them, this is what cultural pressures have led them to believe and so much so, that they feel it’s okay to say it to their fellow sisters as if it’s helping us. It’s hammered into us, you give birth. You bounce back. You don’t? And you’re lazy. You’re not trying hard enough. You have to justify yourself to everyone of why your body has changed so much... but the reality is, it’s because you had a fucking baby. Why is that so shameful? I have cellulite. So does most of the population. We all have uteruses, and organs and some of us have evidence of a place where a baby once lived, and that’s why our bellies are the way they are. Imagine if we just spent time appreciating all that we can do, the amazing life creating vessels that we are, instead of trying to scrub, wrap, and hide all that we have done? Imagine we valued ourselves and each other like we deserved to be. Imagine how better we would all feel? Body confidence starts within, but our surroundings are responsible for it too. So my husbands response? “You looked so happy!”... that’s all he saw, not my cellulite, not my imperfections. He saw a happy wife enjoying a moment, and he was right. I was happy. I am happy, That’s all that matters.

Објава коју дели Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) дана

A šta je muž odgovorio na moj vrisak?

- Ali izgledala si tako srećno, hteo sam da to uhvatim!

On nije video moj celulit i nesavršenosti. Video je svoju ženu koja uživa u trenutku. I bio je u pravu. Bila sam srećna. Srećna sam, to je sve što je važno.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

There are 5 things I learned when staring at the edge of divorce with a man I desperately love 1. He is not a mind reader. I can’t expect him to know I want help with the dishes. Or that I wanted my day to go a certain way. That he hurt me and didn’t respond to it the way I expected, and my resentment built. He learned I’m not a mind reader either and I don’t know if he’s exhausted or wants a minute. So in order to function, we have to COMMUNICATE about everything; how we feel, what we want. 2. Expectations. Having tasks expected of me or him doesn’t work. Especially if it’s expected of me to cook and clean and responsibility of the children fall on me... because what happens on the days I can’t do it? Or the days I feel like I’ve failed? Or if I get a job? Or if he can’t work? And vice versa. Our house is our job. Our children are our job. It’s equal. 3. Trust is everything, but so is vulnerability. I am not a perfect wife. I get jealous. I’ve snooped through his phone. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I have insecurities. I worry I’m not good enough. I’ve been cheated on. I’m a child of divorce. Of abuse. I know how relationships can go. I know broken. But to have a partner who understands my vulnerability, that I express to him through communicating, who sees my anguish as an opportunity to help me heal and to encourage me to go on a journey through therapy to heal on my own, is everything. We trust each other because we built trust. Blind trust doesn’t come natural for some. 4. Perfection It’s not real. This photo has filters on it. Much of what we compare in life does. But our truth is what matters, we can’t compare it to others’. Love happens but so does life. White knights and rose petals falling from the sky are for movies. Fighting, tears, vomit, laughing till 3am, Netflix, ignoring each other on our phones and farting in front of each other, is real life. 5. It’s never too late to say i’m sorry, or I love you. I chose love and a life with him, pride has no place in love.

Објава коју дели Laura Mazza BAppSc(Psych) MSW (@itslauramazza) дана

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